Ok, I dont have very many good ones, THIS ONE IS LONG... kinda worth it.

Two guys are driving on the back roads in south Georgia one late night, when their car breaks down.
They start hiking up the road, as their cell phones have no service, and they come to a house with a barn. There are a couple lights on so they decide they will knock and see if they could use a phone.

An old man in overalls opens the door and greats the guys (Bob and Jim) and offers them his cordless phone and yellow pages.

Much to their dismay they can't find a towing company that can get their anytime before morning so they ask the farmer about a hotel to stay at.
The farmer doesnt know of one but offers them his barn to sleep in.

They agree to stay and thank him graciously. The farmer then says
"I have ONE rule, no matter what, you WILL NOT f*ck my daughter. You can stay as long as you need, but DO NOT f*ck my daughter."

The two agree, though feeling awkward, and take their pillow and blankets and lay down in the hay.

A few hours later, they hear someone come in the barn. It is the farmers daughter and she is Gorgeous. Blond hair in pony tails, a few light freckles on her cheeks, soft smooth skin, a tight body with a roundass and a nice pair of tear drop tits... oh yea, and she is buck naked.

she smiles at the fellas and starts milking a cow... Naked.
one thing leads to another and they f*ck for hours all of them in the hay.

Morning comes, farmer comes out and sees his daughter covered in drycum.
He is livid.
He cocks his shot gun and points it at the guys. He then tells them to go out into the fields and pick 100 of something each.

they set off. Bob gets back before Jim and he has 100 cherries. The farmer tells him to bend over and begins shoving them up Bobs a$$ one at a time. he gets to the 92 one and bob starts cracking up and laughing.

the farmer gets mad, "the fvck you laughin at boy, go get a hundred more you son of a beatenbitch."

So Bob does and still he comes back before Jim, and the farmer goes on to shoving the cherries in his anus. Once again around the 90th one Bob is in hysterics. "the f*ck are you laughing it, damn it, I am going to blow your facking brains out." He cocks the gun "before I spray your face against the wall, tell me what the hell is so funny.

Bob replies, "Jim has been out there for hours pickin watermelons"!

A guy dies while making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It f*cking hurts doesn't it!"

Here's the situation, You are driving your car, to the left is a drop off, to the right is an elephant, in front of you is a rhino, and coming up from behind you is a lion...chasing you. What do you do? Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.

Q: What does KFC and a chick have in common?

A: When your done with the breasts and the thighs all thats left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

These are gold! nice to see another member with a sense of humor. Check out these jokes when you get a chance.

Jokes

Nice Dig. Those are great.
Wish there were more members in here to contribute.

A man and his wife are in the bathroom getting ready for an evening out when he notices her staring at the mirror...

"what's wrong honey?" he asks his wife

"My tits are too damned small, I'd do anything if it'd make them bigger!" she replied

"There's ways to make them bigger..." he told her

"oh yeah, how's that?"

He deftly replied "Just take some toilet paper and rub a wad of it between your hooters and they'll get bigger over time"

she looked back at him and said "bullshit! how can that work?"

he said "It worked on your ass didn't it?"

Mr. and Mrs. Cload came before the judge for their divorce hearing. The judge asked, "What are the grounds?"

Mrs. Cload replied, "Cruel and inhuman punishment, your Honor. He tied me to the bed and then forced me to sing "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" while he pissed all over me."

The judge shuddered and said, "Good God, that's disgusting!"

"Damn right, your Honor," Mrs. Cload yelled. "He knows how much I hate that fucking song!"